u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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