Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
