My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
