wanna go halves on a baby?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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