I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
