Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
