I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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