I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
