is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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