once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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