Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
