Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize