the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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