Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
