franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
