A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
