hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Randomize
