Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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