I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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