there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
