He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
