i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize