Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
