I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
of course. lets lasso hookers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dick very happy bro
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
