I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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