i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
