I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
