your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
