I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
