He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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