Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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