I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
