and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you traded sex for a burrito?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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