I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
