Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
