we have officially lost it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
