why didn't you poke me back
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
