After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
