I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
