we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
