I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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