I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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