In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
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