D3 body, D1 cock
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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