my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
