She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
