We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
