The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Plan B is the new Plan A
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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