Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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