$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
