Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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