No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
