a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
