i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
