walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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