And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
