I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You work out of a Hotel?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
