so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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