Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
