I'm really into asian looking animals
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
