who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
