at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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