I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
