Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The uberlube is also flammable
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
