coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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