TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
